| Westchester Parent Coordination Considering the Variables in Parenting Plans |
One of the most difficult tasks facing divorcing parents is establishing appropriate guidelines for
parenting their children post-divorce. Most experts believe, and I strongly concur, that there is no one
"cookie-cutter" parenting arrangement. Such arrangements must be based, foremost, upon children's
needs. This may seem like an obvious statement but parents often lose sight of the fact that their own
desires to optimize the time spent with their children may not always be in their children's best interest.
What research and clinical practice have demonstrated overwhelmingly is that the best determinant for
a child's future well-being and good functioning is not necessarily the amount of time spent with either
parent but with the degree of on-going parental conflict present in the child's life. Traditional visiting
patterns, which presume that default physical custody should reside with the mother, have been
challenged in recent years by a preponderance of clinical and empirical data. Thus, Courts in many
jurisdictions no longer operate from this traditional model but rather take into account the variety of
factors that contribute to children's well-being and best prospects for present-day good function and
later development. The ability of parents to collaborate is one of the primary factors to be
considered. Others, of course, include such factors as developmental or special needs, financial
considerations, parental functioning, psychological and relationship issues, and many others.
You will note that rather than referring to post-divorce parent arrangements as "custody" I try to
consistently use the term "parenting." Needless to say, children are not chattel, and the use of the
term "custody" has typically implied a kind of ownership which certainly has no place in how parents
should be thinking about their children's well-being post-divorce. No one owns kids! And kids are the
first to let us know that, as soon as they are able to do so. Thinking about how we will parent our
children after divorce makes far more sense than how we will take custody of them!
I would encourage you to look at two extremely helpful sites:
Both Arizona and Oregon have published extensive materials in helping parents to create appropriate
parenting plans. They are not the only states to have done this but these two are excellent in that both
put a great deal of emphasis on the ways in which children's developmental stages should be linked to
how parenting plans should be constructed. Both are very well done and the result of much research
and utilization of solid empirical data. Click on them to examine their suggestions.
Arizona Courts Parenting Plans
Oregon Courts Parenting Plans
Another thorny issue for parents is the question of overnight visitation and parenting plans for very
young children. The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts has compiled, in its journal, Family
Court Review, a collection of essays: Overnights and Young Children: Essays from the Family
Court Review. This can be ordered through the website:
http://www.afccnet.org/shopping/afcc_publications.asp
For those interested in a more scholarly examination of the issue of parenting arrangements I refer you
to an excellent article: Children's Living Arrangements Following Separation and Divorce: Insights from
Empirical and Clinical Research by Joan B. Kelly
parenting their children post-divorce. Most experts believe, and I strongly concur, that there is no one
"cookie-cutter" parenting arrangement. Such arrangements must be based, foremost, upon children's
needs. This may seem like an obvious statement but parents often lose sight of the fact that their own
desires to optimize the time spent with their children may not always be in their children's best interest.
What research and clinical practice have demonstrated overwhelmingly is that the best determinant for
a child's future well-being and good functioning is not necessarily the amount of time spent with either
parent but with the degree of on-going parental conflict present in the child's life. Traditional visiting
patterns, which presume that default physical custody should reside with the mother, have been
challenged in recent years by a preponderance of clinical and empirical data. Thus, Courts in many
jurisdictions no longer operate from this traditional model but rather take into account the variety of
factors that contribute to children's well-being and best prospects for present-day good function and
later development. The ability of parents to collaborate is one of the primary factors to be
considered. Others, of course, include such factors as developmental or special needs, financial
considerations, parental functioning, psychological and relationship issues, and many others.
You will note that rather than referring to post-divorce parent arrangements as "custody" I try to
consistently use the term "parenting." Needless to say, children are not chattel, and the use of the
term "custody" has typically implied a kind of ownership which certainly has no place in how parents
should be thinking about their children's well-being post-divorce. No one owns kids! And kids are the
first to let us know that, as soon as they are able to do so. Thinking about how we will parent our
children after divorce makes far more sense than how we will take custody of them!
I would encourage you to look at two extremely helpful sites:
Both Arizona and Oregon have published extensive materials in helping parents to create appropriate
parenting plans. They are not the only states to have done this but these two are excellent in that both
put a great deal of emphasis on the ways in which children's developmental stages should be linked to
how parenting plans should be constructed. Both are very well done and the result of much research
and utilization of solid empirical data. Click on them to examine their suggestions.
Arizona Courts Parenting Plans
Oregon Courts Parenting Plans
Another thorny issue for parents is the question of overnight visitation and parenting plans for very
young children. The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts has compiled, in its journal, Family
Court Review, a collection of essays: Overnights and Young Children: Essays from the Family
Court Review. This can be ordered through the website:
http://www.afccnet.org/shopping/afcc_publications.asp
For those interested in a more scholarly examination of the issue of parenting arrangements I refer you
to an excellent article: Children's Living Arrangements Following Separation and Divorce: Insights from
Empirical and Clinical Research by Joan B. Kelly